Etes-vous inquiet? Vous sentez-vous seul? ou avez-vous des préoccupations et vous ne savez pas quoi faire? Face à Face peut vous aider. Envoyez-nous vos questions et nous ferons de notre mieux pour y répondre et vous offrir différentes options. Vos questions vont demeurer anonymes et confidentielles. Elles seront affichées sur notre site web afin d’aider d’autres personnes qui pourraient se retrouver dans des situations similaires.

IMPORTANT: SI VOUS AVEZ BESOIN DE NOUS PARLER, S’IL VOUS PLAÎT APPELER AU 514-934-4546. NOUS NE POUVONS PAS VOUS RÉPONDRE DIRECTEMENT PAR CE FORMULAIRE. Si vous ne nous donnez pas vos coordonnées, nous publierons la réponse directement sur notre site.

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Question de Meghan

Je suis une étudiante de 19 ans au CEGEP à temps plein dans un programme qui m’assurera un diplôme d’éducateur de Jeunesse / Adultes dans divers contextes d’aide sociale.
J’ai découvert que je suis enceinte et je veux aller à terme – le logement et les finances sont mon principal souci et préoccupation. Je réside avec ma mère qui est sur l’aide sociale et je reçois des prêts et des bourses pour l’école.
En tant qu’étudiante indépendant, je reçois assez d’argent pour avoir un loyer MAX de $475 tout compris (et l’argent s’arrête à partir de mai 2017 – me laissant avec 0 revenu de mai-août, si je suis capable de retourner à l’école)

Je cherche un logement que mon bébé et moi pouvions résider, si je peux rester à l’école et recevoir l’aide financière ou si je dois aller sur le bien-être sociale. Je ne suis même pas sûr que je peux appliquer au bien-être sociale. J’ai rencontré plusieurs personnes mais je n’ai toujours pas de réponses réelles.
Pouvez-vous m’aider?

Cliquez ici pour voir la réponse de Face à Face

Chère Meghan,

Apprendre que vous êtes enceinte a sans doute mis vos plans futurs en question! C’est bon! Nos vies peuvent changer à tout moment et nous devons nous adapter.

Heureusement pour nous, à Montréal, nous sommes gâtés de ressources, dont beaucoup sont dirigés vers votre situation particulière; Une jeune femme, enceinte, ayant besoin d’aide financière, d’un foyer, d’un soutien et d’une stabilité.

Plus bas il y aura une liste de ressources pour vous aider à commencer ce chemin, mais d’abord quelques idées que vous pouvez considérer: Je vois que vous vivez actuellement avec votre mère. Je suppose que la raison pour laquelle vous écrivez et demandez de l’aide est parce que vous avez déjà examiné l’option de rester avec votre mère. Je présume que rester avec elle n’est donc pas une option. Je ne ferai pas d’autres suppositions; la dynamique de votre famille et les relations qui s’y trouvent peuvent être aussi varié et coloré qu’un triple arc en ciel! La famille peut être une excellente ressource pour une mère célibataire; Un couple riche serait également d’accord; Ils peuvent agir comme gardien-ne-s, soutien et éducateur pour vous et votre enfant, avec le bonus supplémentaire de venir sans frais! C’est votre décision dans le fond. Vous saurez ce qui est le mieux pour vous et pour votre bébé.

Comme vous le savez, en tant qu’étudiante à temps plein, vous êtes admissible à des prêts et des bourses. Il s’agit d’un programme pour les gens qui prévoient travailler une fois qu’ils ont terminé l’école et peuvent donc commencer à rembourser la partie du prêt de la subvention. Il est important que vous sachiez que vous NE POUVEZ PAS recevoir d’aide sociale pendant que vous recevez des prêts et des bourses et que vous NE POUVEZ PAS étudier à plein temps si vous recevez des prestations d’aide sociale. Cela ne signifie pas que vous ne pouvez pas étudier et recevoir un soutien financier cependant; Regardons plus à cela maintenant:

Voici un lien vers le site d’aide sociale du Québec: http://www.emploiquebec.gouv.qc.ca/citoyens/obtenir-une-aide-financiere/programmes-daide-sociale-et-de-solidarite-sociale/

Lisez attentivement les critères et la façon de demander de l’aide; Vous aurez besoin de documents, de formulaires fiscaux, et plus pour appliquer. Cependant, avant d’appliquer au bien-être sociale – comme il est connu sous le nom de programme de dernier recours – vous devrez demander quelques autres supports financiers avant:

Voici un programme fédéral pour les parents: http://www.cra-arc.gc.ca/bnfts/menu-fra.html

Et le programme provincial: QPIP (Régime québécois d’assurance parentale): http://www.rqap.gouv.qc.ca/index_fr.asp

Vous pouvez également être admissible aux crédits d’impôt suivants:

Crédit Solidarité: http://www.revenuquebec.ca/fr/citoyen/credits/solidarite/

Allocation Logement: http://www.revenuquebec.ca/fr/citoyen/situation/faible_revenu/programmes_Allocation-logement.aspx

Si vous travaillez au lieu de retourner à l’école, vous pouvez demander: http://www.cra-arc.gc.ca/bnfts/wtb/fq_qlfyng-fra.html

Voici un site qui nomme les ressources disponible pour les nouveaux parents et fournit quelques détails et les liens pour toutes les aides financières offertes aux niveaux fédéral et provincial: http://singlemotherassistance.net/financial-assistance-for-single-mothers-in-quebec/

Comme vous pouvez le constater, il y a de l’argent à gagner sans avoir à demander de l’aide sociale immédiatement ou à compter sur des prêts et des bourses.

Alors, une nouvelle maison pour vous et votre bébé! Face à Face peut vous aider directement. L’un de nos services est la recherche de logements. Nous vous demandons de nous appeler au Centre afin que nous puissions vous interroger sur vos critères et expliquer comment le processus fonctionne. Nous sommes ouverts du lundi au vendredi de 9h à 17h. Notre numéro de téléphone est le 514-934-4546

Il y a beaucoup d’hébérgements à Montréal pour les femmes attendent ou avec des enfants. Avez-vous pensé qu’avec votre budget limité, un abri, ou une maison de transition temporaire, pourrait être une bonne option pour vous? Ces endroits peuvent demandé un montant minimum de loyer qui couvre généralement vos repas, les activités au sein de la maison, et un soutien constant. Vous pourriez avoir des ressources et d’aide directement au bout des doigts.

À Deux Mains est un organisme communautaire à NDG:http://headandhands.ca/fr/ Ils font un excellent travail auprès des jeunes; Moins de 25 ans. Ils ont même une Programme pour Jeunes Parents! Découvrez-le sur le site! Ils offrent également des services de santé avec une infirmière, et un garde-manger pour vous aider avec vos produits d’épicerie.

Voici quelques autres ressources que vous pouvez jeter un coup d’oeil:

Site Web rempli de ressources et de conseils santé pour vous et bébé: http://www.montrealfamilies.ca/

Programmes spécifiquement pour les mères célibataires: http://welcomehallmission.com/services/womens-services

Dons, nourriture, vêtements, meubles:
Http://en.centredesfemmesdemtl.org/
Http://www.ssvp-mtl.org/en

YWCA: http://www.montrealfamilies.ca/Montreal-Families/Directories/Family-Services/index.php/name/Single-Mothers-Program-Montreal-YWCA/listing/36584/

Eh bien Meghan, nous espérons que cela sera utile pour vous maintenant et dans l’avenir.

Sachez que Face à Face est aussi un centre d’écoute et que nous pouvons prendre votre appel téléphonique ou une visite en personne à n’importe quel moment pendant nos heures d’ouverture. Nous sommes ici pour vous écouter en temps de besoin, de lutte ou de joie! S’il vous plaît n’hésitez pas à nous appeler si nous pouvons vous aider avec autre chose, et par-dessus tout, prendre très bien soin de toi!

Question d’Alex

Bonjour.
J’ai queleques questions par rapport a l’eviction de personnes considerer comme “occupant”. Je suis demenager chez des amis sans signer de bail avec le propietaire. Nous avons une entente verbale qui stipule que le loyer dois etre payer en 4 parties egales en incluant tout les services (internet, hydro, eau chaude). De plus, nous avions un consensus que fummer se fait a l’exterieur. Malheuresement, je fume dans la chambre que je loue et les locataires (sur le bail) veulent m’expulser du logement. Vu que notre entente ne me protege pas au yeux de la loi, je n’est aucun recours legal pour garder la chambre (au moin pour un mois le temp de trouver un logement) Je fait donc face a une periode de SDF (sans domicile fixe) et j’ai peur que mes objects se ramasse dans la rue. Y a t’il une loi qui protege l’entreposage securitaire de mes biens (que je ne peut pas “trainer” avec moi dans la rue come des meubles, instruments de musique volumineux et televisions)?

Ps. J’ai toujours payer ma part du loyer.

Cliquez ici pour voir la réponse de Face à Face

Cher Alex,

C’est sans aucun doute une situation stressante que vous rencontrez.

D’après votre question, je peux constater que vous avez déjà fait des recherches et que vous savez que si votre nom ne figure pas sur le bail, vous n’avez en fait aucun recours juridique en tant qu’occupant. Https://www.educaloi.qc.ca/capsules/la-colocation

Il semble que vos colocataires ont déjà formellement décidé que vous devez quitter l’appartement partagé, mais je me demande s’ils sont prêts à offrir plus de clémence pour vous donner plus de temps pour trouver un nouvel endroit pour éviter de devenir sans-abri. Une autre option pourrait être de demander qu’ils stockent vos effets personnels dans le cas où vous ne pouvez pas trouver un autre endroit avant la fin du mois. Est-ce que vos colocataires sont prêts à vous donner une deuxième chance si vous arrêtez de fumer à l’intérieur de l’appartement, que vous aviez initialement accepté de faire?

Malheureusement, il n’existe aucune loi qui protège vos effets personnels ou qui nécessite le stockage de vos effets personnels en raison de l’événement de votre demande de quitter votre hébergement. Dans le cas où vous avez une assurance de biens et que vous avez répertorié vos instruments de musique, TV et meubles comme articles assurables, vous pouvez avoir une couverture en cas de dommages ou de vol. Toutefois, si vous n’avez pas déjà cette assurance en place, il suscitera des soupçons sur leur fin si vous avez à réclamer quelque chose d’un mois ou deux après l’ouverture du compte. Https://www.educaloi.qc.ca/capsules/lassurance-de-biens-et-dhabitation

Il existe de nombreux sites de stockage à travers Montréal et à l’extérieur de l’île. Si vous avez quelques articles précieux que vous ne voudriez pas endommager ou perdre, une suggestion est de louer un petit espace avec Depotium mini-entrepot: http://www.depotium.com/fr/emplacements/889-notre-dame-west. Ils peuvent vous offrir un petit espace pour 44 $ par mois.

Votre problème le plus pressant est cependant de vous trouver un nouvel endroit pour vous loger avec vos effets. Face à Face peut vous aider! Nous offrons des recherches de logement au Centre et serions plus qu’heureux de vous aider Alex. Nous vous recommandons de nous appeler au 514-934-4546 du lundi au vendredi, de 9h00 à 17h00, pour nous faire part de vos critères; Coût maximum, emplacement et taille, et nous allons vous expliquer notre procédure et commencer une recherche pour vous.

Dans le cas où vous êtes sans adresse fixe, Face à Face peut vous aider avec vos démarches. Bien qu’il soit préférable d’agir de manière préventive pour éviter qu’une telle situation ne se produise, nous travaillons quotidiennement avec des personnes sans abri et à risque d’itinérance, en leur offrant des services et un soutien; Notre personnel et nos bénévoles sont professionnels et compatissants. Dans le cas où vous disposez d’un budget restreint, nous pouvons vous aider à vous orienter vers des ressources telles que les banques de nourriture et de vêtements, et de l’aide financière pour vous dépanner.

Merci d’avoir pris contact avec nous Alex, nous espérons que cette réponse est utile et que nous aurons bientôt de vos nouvelles.

Si vous avez d’autres questions ou un besoin de parler, s’il vous plaît appelez-nous au 514-934-4546, ou venez au Centre: 980 saint antoine ouest, suite 101b.
Nous sommes là pour vous aider.

Question de Melissa

Salut Face à face,

Je suis une personne extrêmement émotive et anxieux. Je dois horrible anxiété que je suis occupé avec ma vie entière. Je suis habituellement très anxieux et cela me fait défaillir. Je crois qu’il est un moyen de mon organismes a échapper à la situation. Je suis constamment dans l’inquiétude et sur le bord. Je prends tout que mon copain dit à cœur. Nous avons été constamment battus, jour après jour, nous avons tous deux finissent par dire des choses blessantes et ça me déchire. Je me sens comme mon monde tombe en morceaux. Il a aussi un problème de colère et quand il se met en colère je crois vraiment qu’il est en colère contre moi. La plupart du temps, il affirme qu’il n’est pas en colère contre moi, il est en colère contre la «situation» mais à ce point, je suis déjà émotionnelle et le prend personnellement. Je ne peux plus vivre comme ça. Je veux de l’aide, mais malheureusement, ne peut se permettre un traitement. Je ne sais pas par où commencer tout seul. La semaine dernière, j’ai été extrêmement stressé et j’ai reçu un sentiment pincement dans la poitrine causée par le stress et l’anxiété. Tout le reste de ma vie est incroyable, mais je vis avec mon copain et ma relation me rend très émotionnellement instable. Connaissez-vous  les ressources ou les premiers pas que je peux prendre pour reprendre ma vie?

Cliquez ici pour voir la réponse de Face à Face

Chère Melissa,

Je ne peux qu’imaginer comment il doit être difficile de vivre avec l’anxiété et un débordement émotionnel. Je sais que c’est difficile pour vous et que vous ne savez pas par où commencer. Vous avez fait un excellent premier pas en communiquant avec nous. Je sais que ça vous a demandé beaucoup d’efforts, mais sachez que l’énergie qu’il vous a fallu pour nous écrire n’est pas passée inaperçue et que c’est peut-être le début d’un changement pour le mieux.

Selon votre message, il semblerait que vous ne souffrez pas seulement des conséquences mentales et émotionnelles de votre anxiété, mais également de symptômes physiques. Je sais que vous avez mentionné avoir eu des problèmes d’anxiété pendant toute votre vie; cependant, des symptômes physiques comme des évanouissements et des pressions au niveau de la poitrine peuvent être causés par toute une variété de facteurs. Il est toujours fortement recommandé de consulter un médecin pour subir un nouvel examen médical. Vous pouvez également consulter un travailleur social à l’admission du département des services sociaux de votre CLSC, pour une évaluation. Ils peuvent soit vous parler par téléphone ou bien vous rappeler pour fixer un rendez-vous au cours duquel ils vont pouvoir établir le type de counseling auquel vous aurez droit, avec ce CLSC.

En plus du CLSC, vous avez également droit à d’autres ressources gratuites. Ici chez Face à Face, nous offrons une ligne d’écoute que vous pouvez utiliser pour parler de votre situation et de vos sentiments à un de nos bénévoles formés à cette fin. Vous pouvez également venir nous voir et bénéficier, pour une période de huit semaines, de séances de counseling personnalisé avec Mallory, notre travailleuse sociale interne.

AMI Québec offre une autre ligne d’écoute et des groupes de soutien auxquels vous pourrez assister. Voici l’adresse de leur site Web :

http://amiquebec.org/support-groups/

Revivre est un organisme francophone qui s’adresse spécifiquement aux personnes souffrant d’anxiété, de dépression et du trouble bipolaire. Ils disposent également d’une ligne d’écoute et de groupes de soutien; cependant, leurs groupes de soutien ne sont offerts qu’en français. Voici l’adresse de leur site Web :

http://www.revivre.org/home.php

Si vous êtes étudiante, il se peut que votre université offre également des services de counseling gratuits.

En plus de ces ressources, il y a certaines choses que vous pouvez faire par vous-même. Vous pouvez même commencer dès maintenant !

      • La tenue d’un journal personnel peut grandement aider à identifier les endroits et les déclencheurs qui affectent votre niveau d’anxiété. Notez comment vous vous sentez et établissez une échelle pour évaluer votre niveau d’anxiété. Par exemple : sur une échelle de 1 à 10 (10 étant : extrêmement anxieuse), quel est mon niveau d’anxiété en ce moment ?
      • On sait que l’activité physique aide à augmenter les émotions positives et à réduire le stress. Il ne s’agit pas d’activités compliquées ou qui requièrent un gymnase; quelque chose d’aussi simple qu’une marche de 20 minutes peut commencer à agir sur votre moral.
      • Des affirmations positives répétées plusieurs fois par jour peuvent vous donner un excellent surplus d’énergie positive. Parmi ces affirmations positives, on retrouve :
            1. Aujourd’hui est un jour tout neuf; ce n’est pas mon passé qui définit qui je suis; c’est à moi de créer mon avenir.
            1. Aujourd’hui sera une journée formidable.
            1. Je crois que je peux être tout ce que je veux être.
            1. Je peux.
      • Essayez de trouver des côtés positifs, même dans les plus petites parties de votre journée, et rappelez-vous les choses positives dans votre vie. Vous pouvez même dresser une liste afin de vous en rappeler lorsque vous vous sentez submergée.

Rappelez-vous d’être indulgente avec vous-même, et soyez patiente. Vous pouvez être votre propre ennemie ou votre propre supporter. Croyez en vous.

Souvenez-vous que nous sommes toujours là pour parler avec vous et pour vous encourager. Communiquez avec notre ligne d’écoute au 514-934-4546 ou venez nous voir au 980, rue Saint-Antoine Ouest, suite 101B, du lundi au vendredi de 9 h à 17 h. Nous serons là pour vous.

Question from Sophie

Hello Face à Face,

I am a 30-year-old women and I suffer from depression. I have had trouble with it almost all my life but managed to live a normal life, married with two loving kids. However, I have been in a depressive state for over one year and lost my job because of it. My husband doesn’t understand why I am like this and our mirage is in danger. I feel hopeless, I have no one else to talk too anymore, and even my friends don’t want to talk to me. What should I do? How can I make them understand that this isn’t my fault?

Sophie

Click here to see the Face a Face response

Dear Sophie,

According to the Canadian Mental Health Association, depression is “different than the “blues”. Someone experiencing depression is grappling with feelings of severe despair over an extended period of time. Almost every aspect of their life can be affected, including their emotions, physical health, relationships and work. For people with depression, it does not feel like there is a “light at the end of the tunnel” — there is just a long, dark tunnel. http://www.cmha.ca/mental-health/understanding-mental-illness/depression/

Depression is often accompanied by feelings of extreme fatigue, social withdrawal, disturbances in eating or sleeping patterns, difficulty concentrating or making decisions, feelings of hopelessness and sometimes thoughts of suicide. A person who is depressed may seem that they simply do not want to participate in their own life.

It can be difficult for others who have not experienced this deep despair to fully understand what you are going through. But you are not alone. 1 in 8 adults experience depression at some point in their lives. It is important for you to know that this is not your fault. The good news is that Depression is treatable. Here are a few options that you can consider:

See a doctor. Explain to a general practioner what you are feeling. Remember there is no need to be ashamed or embarrassed. Your doctor will have most likely heard from patients feeling exactly the same as you. The doctor may prescribe anti-depressant medication or he/she will likely refer you to a psychiatrist. Again, seeing a psychiatrist does not mean that you are crazy or that you have something to be ashamed of. A psychiatrist is simply a medical doctor specializing in treatment for various mental health disorders. Anti-depressant medication may take 2 -4 weeks to work. Sometimes the doctor may have to try different medications and doses to find the right match for you. Patience is required for this period. It is important for you to be verbal and assertive with your doctor about the side effects of the medication and say what is working and what is not working. A good doctor works alongside you and involves you in all treatment options.

You may also want to consider modifying your nutrition. Give your body mood boosting nutrients such as fruits and vegetables. Perhaps consider seeing a nutritionist to give you suggestions for meals and vitamins to enhance your body’s capabilities. You may also want to consider joining a walking group. There are numerous benefits to walking, from increased energy to better sleep and muscular health. And, it may be an opportunity for you to meet new people and socialize more. Remember, any form of exercise tends to boost dopamine and serotonin levels in the brain, which in turn affects your mood.

Talk therapy!! Weekly therapy sessions with a counselor or a psychologist may also help you reconnect with yourself and what is important to you. Perhaps your husband can join you and together, you may be able to gain a better understanding of what your marriage needs from both of you to make it thrive again. If you are unable to pay for private therapy sessions, there are many organizations that see people on a sliding scale. For example, The Montreal Therapy Centre offers couple’s counseling on a sliding scale. Their website can be found here: http://montrealtherapy.com

Or you may want to join a support group and discuss your experience. Ami Quebec hold support groups for depression throughout the year, here is their information and schedule: http://www.revivre.org/

Please remember that though you may feel alone, you are not. You deserve to take care of yourself and you have the right to seek treatment to help you bring you back to yourself. Your husband and friends may be feeling helpless and frustrated. Think about sitting with them and being very clear about the support you need. Do you need your friend to sit with you over coffee and simply listen? Or you may need your husband to speak to you without judgment? Be specific with your expectations of the support that you need. Then, let them know that you are trying to honor yourself and your relationships by voicing your needs and seeking the help that you deserve.

Be kind to yourself. And when you need some encouragement, call our listening line at 514-934-4546 or visit us at 980 St. Antoine Ouest, 101B from Monday through Friday’s from 9:00 am to 5:00 pm. We will listen.

Question from Broken Soul

Hi Face à Face,

My boyfriend and I have been together for 3 years and have been trying to get pregnant for 1 year. It’s been very hard on our relationship as it is causing disappointment every month. I have been tested for fertility and everything is aright but my boyfriend refuses to get checked. He also refuses to talk about alternatives like adopting. I don’t know what to do to make him understand that we need to look at all the options. Should I leave him and try to find someone else who understands more?

Broken soul.

Click here to see the Face a Face response

Dear broken soul,

The inability to have children is one of the greatest challenges that a couple will ever face. It affects people emotionally, physically, and financially. It can place tremendous stress on a couple’s relationship and on their relationships with family and friends.
http://montrealtherapy.com/dealing-with-the-emotional-impact-of-infertility/

According to Women’s Heath, Infertility means not being able to get pregnant after one year of trying (or six months if a woman is 35 or older). A woman’s body must release an egg from one of her ovaries (ovulation).

  • The egg must go through a fallopian tube toward the uterus (womb).
  • A man’s sperm must join with (fertilize) the egg along the way.
  • The fertilized egg must attach to the inside of the uterus (implantation).

Infertility can happen if there are problems with any of these steps.

Infertility is a common problem, about 10 percent of women (6.1 million) in the United States ages 15-44 have difficulty getting pregnant or staying pregnant, according to the Center for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC). Infertility is not always a woman’s problem. Both women and men can have problems that cause infertility. About one-third of infertility cases are caused by women’s problems. Another one third of fertility problems are due to the man. The other cases are caused by a mixture of male and female problems or by unknown problems.

https://www.womenshealth.gov/publications/our-publications/fact-sheet/infertility.html

You and your boyfriend have been together for a long time and I can only imagine how frustrating and upsetting this must be for the both of you. It was very brave of you to get fertility testing, as it can be a very fearful and embarrassing process. As you know, risking finding out that there might be something wrong with your body is terrifying. As a human being we expect and assume our bodies to be capable of certain basic processes, one of which is reproduction. Sadly, not all couples can conceive easily.

As having a baby is something you want, you did everything you could. You stated that your boyfriend refuses to get checked and doesn’t want to talk about alternatives. Perhaps he is having difficulty dealing with a couple of issues: first, as a couple you are having difficulty conceiving and this has been very hard on your relationship. Second, since you have been tested and the results state you are fine, he might be thinking that he is not. It can be shocking and very upsetting finding something like this out. He may have to potentially give up his dream of conceiving a child naturally. The Montreal Therapy Center states that if one partner has the medical problem that is causing the infertility, he or she often feels guilty and may even offer to leave the other. At the same time, the infertile person may fear that the other partner will leave the relationship.

Infertility in men is most often caused by:

  • A problem called varicocele (VAIR-ih-koh-seel). This happens when the veins on a man’s testicle(s) are too large. This heats the testicles. The heat can affect the number or shape of the sperm.
  • Other factors that cause a man to make too few sperm or none at all.
  • Movement of the sperm. This may be caused by the shape of the sperm. Sometimes injuries or other damage to the reproductive system block the sperm.

Sometimes a man is born with the problems that affect his sperm. Other times problems start later in life due to illness or injury. For example, cystic fibrosis often causes infertility in men.

I have a few suggestions for you. Perhaps you can both take a break from trying to conceive and focus on yourselves and rebuilding your relationship. Try to get yourselves back to the happy place that you once were. You can also re-evaluate what you both want for your futures. Make sure that you both still want children. If your boyfriend still wants to have a child then maybe once you are both in a better place emotionally, you can discuss your options. If your boyfriend cannot move past this, doesn’t want to keep trying to conceive, and is not open to other alternatives such as adoption, you need to think about what you want. Will it be enough to spend your life with your boyfriend and potentially not have children? Or is having children something that you cannot live without? Perhaps consider going to couple’s counseling, The Montreal Therapy Center offers infertility couple’s counseling http://montrealtherapy.com.

I know it is hard but try to be patient with him, remember that you both love each other and have been through so much together. Keep in mind that he is probably hurting as much as you, possibly more. I hope you both take the time to listen to each other and that you find the strength to help through this tough stage in your relationship.

Keep in mind, we are here for you at Face à Face and if you ever need to talk, call us at 514 934 4546 and we would be happy to listen.

Question from Anonymous

Dear Face à Face,

I am a 19-year-old guy with a big secret and don’t know how to tell people. I believe that I am gay, I have been feeling like this for a very long time but don’t feel like I have anyone to talk too. I don’t have many friends and my family is not very open. I feel like I am alone in the world and it is causing me a lot of anxiety. What should I do? I am so scared that my family and friends will reject me.

Anonymous

Click here to see the Face a Face response

Dear Anonymous,

The truth is that you are not alone, many people have different sexual orientations and it is becoming something that more and more people are openly talking about. Although I know initially it can be extremely difficult to admit, your sexual preference is nothing to be ashamed of. You are who you are, no apologies. If you are initially worried about telling your family and friends, I would suggest starting with the internet and finding some resources such as Head and Hands, a local organization in Montreal, http://headandhands.ca. Head and Hands offers a non-judgmental atmosphere where there is counseling, activities, and even has an anonymous question and answer section online.

Talking on listening lines, chat rooms, or going in person to LGBT events will help you become more comfortable with telling people you are gay. Coalition Jeunesse offers a wide range of services for young individuals questioning their sexuality such as listening lines, counseling, and events to meet other youth and socialize. Their website can be found here: http://www.coalitionjeunesse.org/?lang=en

One great event in Montreal is The LGBTA Parade. It is a beautiful parade that many people attend regardless of sexual orientation. The parade will feature floats from hundreds of local sports teams, cultural and community groups as well as other gay, lesbian, bisexual and transgender organizations. The parade will also feature both gay and gay-friendly businesses that join in celebrating the significant contributions of their LGBT employees and clients. Here is their website: http://www.fiertemontrealpride.com/en/pride/

This will also increase your confidence regarding who you are and other people’s reactions. When you feel confident enough, I would suggest picking one person from your family or friends and making a plan to tell them. Think about what you’re going to say and all the possible reactions they might have as well as how you will respond. That way, you will be prepared no matter the outcome. Then set a date and meet with that person to tell them. Once they know, pick another, and then another until everyone important to you knows. I know it seems like a daunting task but take it one step at a time. Face à Face will always be there to listen and support you on your journey, you can reach us at 514 934 4546 on weekdays from 9-5. Remember to be proud of who you are, whether you’re gay, straight, bisexual, or questioning, it’s your life and it is okay.

Question from Sophie

Hello Face à Face,

I am a 30-year-old women and I suffer from depression. I have had trouble with it almost all my life but managed to live a normal life, married with two loving kids. However, I have been in a depressive state for over one year and lost my job because of it. My husband doesn’t understand why I am like this and our mirage is in danger. I feel hopeless, I have no one else to talk too anymore, and even my friends don’t want to talk to me. What should I do? How can I make them understand that this isn’t my fault?

Sophie

Click here to see the Face a Face response

Dear Sophie,

According to the Canadian Mental Health Association, depression is “different than the “blues”. Someone experiencing depression is grappling with feelings of severe despair over an extended period of time. Almost every aspect of their life can be affected, including their emotions, physical health, relationships and work. For people with depression, it does not feel like there is a “light at the end of the tunnel” — there is just a long, dark tunnel. http://www.cmha.ca/mental-health/understanding-mental-illness/depression/

Depression is often accompanied by feelings of extreme fatigue, social withdrawal, disturbances in eating or sleeping patterns, difficulty concentrating or making decisions, feelings of hopelessness and sometimes thoughts of suicide. A person who is depressed may seem that they simply do not want to participate in their own life.

It can be difficult for others who have not experienced this deep despair to fully understand what you are going through. But you are not alone. 1 in 8 adults experience depression at some point in their lives. It is important for you to know that this is not your fault. The good news is that Depression is treatable. Here are a few options that you can consider:

See a doctor. Explain to a general practioner what you are feeling. Remember there is no need to be ashamed or embarrassed. Your doctor will have most likely heard from patients feeling exactly the same as you. The doctor may prescribe anti-depressant medication or he/she will likely refer you to a psychiatrist. Again, seeing a psychiatrist does not mean that you are crazy or that you have something to be ashamed of. A psychiatrist is simply a medical doctor specializing in treatment for various mental health disorders. Anti-depressant medication may take 2 -4 weeks to work. Sometimes the doctor may have to try different medications and doses to find the right match for you. Patience is required for this period. It is important for you to be verbal and assertive with your doctor about the side effects of the medication and say what is working and what is not working. A good doctor works alongside you and involves you in all treatment options.

You may also want to consider modifying your nutrition. Give your body mood boosting nutrients such as fruits and vegetables. Perhaps consider seeing a nutritionist to give you suggestions for meals and vitamins to enhance your body’s capabilities. You may also want to consider joining a walking group. There are numerous benefits to walking, from increased energy to better sleep and muscular health. And, it may be an opportunity for you to meet new people and socialize more. Remember, any form of exercise tends to boost dopamine and serotonin levels in the brain, which in turn affects your mood.

Talk therapy!! Weekly therapy sessions with a counselor or a psychologist may also help you reconnect with yourself and what is important to you. Perhaps your husband can join you and together, you may be able to gain a better understanding of what your marriage needs from both of you to make it thrive again. If you are unable to pay for private therapy sessions, there are many organizations that see people on a sliding scale. For example, The Montreal Therapy Centre offers couple’s counseling on a sliding scale. Their website can be found here: http://montrealtherapy.com

Or you may want to join a support group and discuss your experience. Ami Quebec hold support groups for depression throughout the year, here is their information and schedule: http://www.revivre.org/

Please remember that though you may feel alone, you are not. You deserve to take care of yourself and you have the right to seek treatment to help you bring you back to yourself. Your husband and friends may be feeling helpless and frustrated. Think about sitting with them and being very clear about the support you need. Do you need your friend to sit with you over coffee and simply listen? Or you may need your husband to speak to you without judgment? Be specific with your expectations of the support that you need. Then, let them know that you are trying to honor yourself and your relationships by voicing your needs and seeking the help that you deserve.

Be kind to yourself. And when you need some encouragement, call our listening line at 514-934-4546 or visit us at 980 St. Antoine Ouest, 101B from Monday through Friday’s from 9:00 am to 5:00 pm. We will listen.

Question from Broken Soul

Hi Face à Face,

My boyfriend and I have been together for 3 years and have been trying to get pregnant for 1 year. It’s been very hard on our relationship as it is causing disappointment every month. I have been tested for fertility and everything is aright but my boyfriend refuses to get checked. He also refuses to talk about alternatives like adopting. I don’t know what to do to make him understand that we need to look at all the options. Should I leave him and try to find someone else who understands more?

Broken soul.

Click here to see the Face a Face response

Dear broken soul,

The inability to have children is one of the greatest challenges that a couple will ever face. It affects people emotionally, physically, and financially. It can place tremendous stress on a couple’s relationship and on their relationships with family and friends.
http://montrealtherapy.com/dealing-with-the-emotional-impact-of-infertility/

According to Women’s Heath, Infertility means not being able to get pregnant after one year of trying (or six months if a woman is 35 or older). A woman’s body must release an egg from one of her ovaries (ovulation).

  • The egg must go through a fallopian tube toward the uterus (womb).
  • A man’s sperm must join with (fertilize) the egg along the way.
  • The fertilized egg must attach to the inside of the uterus (implantation).

Infertility can happen if there are problems with any of these steps.

Infertility is a common problem, about 10 percent of women (6.1 million) in the United States ages 15-44 have difficulty getting pregnant or staying pregnant, according to the Center for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC). Infertility is not always a woman’s problem. Both women and men can have problems that cause infertility. About one-third of infertility cases are caused by women’s problems. Another one third of fertility problems are due to the man. The other cases are caused by a mixture of male and female problems or by unknown problems.

https://www.womenshealth.gov/publications/our-publications/fact-sheet/infertility.html

You and your boyfriend have been together for a long time and I can only imagine how frustrating and upsetting this must be for the both of you. It was very brave of you to get fertility testing, as it can be a very fearful and embarrassing process. As you know, risking finding out that there might be something wrong with your body is terrifying. As a human being we expect and assume our bodies to be capable of certain basic processes, one of which is reproduction. Sadly, not all couples can conceive easily.

As having a baby is something you want, you did everything you could. You stated that your boyfriend refuses to get checked and doesn’t want to talk about alternatives. Perhaps he is having difficulty dealing with a couple of issues: first, as a couple you are having difficulty conceiving and this has been very hard on your relationship. Second, since you have been tested and the results state you are fine, he might be thinking that he is not. It can be shocking and very upsetting finding something like this out. He may have to potentially give up his dream of conceiving a child naturally. The Montreal Therapy Center states that if one partner has the medical problem that is causing the infertility, he or she often feels guilty and may even offer to leave the other. At the same time, the infertile person may fear that the other partner will leave the relationship.

Infertility in men is most often caused by:

  • A problem called varicocele (VAIR-ih-koh-seel). This happens when the veins on a man’s testicle(s) are too large. This heats the testicles. The heat can affect the number or shape of the sperm.
  • Other factors that cause a man to make too few sperm or none at all.
  • Movement of the sperm. This may be caused by the shape of the sperm. Sometimes injuries or other damage to the reproductive system block the sperm.

Sometimes a man is born with the problems that affect his sperm. Other times problems start later in life due to illness or injury. For example, cystic fibrosis often causes infertility in men.

I have a few suggestions for you. Perhaps you can both take a break from trying to conceive and focus on yourselves and rebuilding your relationship. Try to get yourselves back to the happy place that you once were. You can also re-evaluate what you both want for your futures. Make sure that you both still want children. If your boyfriend still wants to have a child then maybe once you are both in a better place emotionally, you can discuss your options. If your boyfriend cannot move past this, doesn’t want to keep trying to conceive, and is not open to other alternatives such as adoption, you need to think about what you want. Will it be enough to spend your life with your boyfriend and potentially not have children? Or is having children something that you cannot live without? Perhaps consider going to couple’s counseling, The Montreal Therapy Center offers infertility couple’s counseling http://montrealtherapy.com.

I know it is hard but try to be patient with him, remember that you both love each other and have been through so much together. Keep in mind that he is probably hurting as much as you, possibly more. I hope you both take the time to listen to each other and that you find the strength to help through this tough stage in your relationship.

Keep in mind, we are here for you at Face à Face and if you ever need to talk, call us at 514 934 4546 and we would be happy to listen.

Question from Anonymous

Dear Face à Face,

I am a 19-year-old guy with a big secret and don’t know how to tell people. I believe that I am gay, I have been feeling like this for a very long time but don’t feel like I have anyone to talk too. I don’t have many friends and my family is not very open. I feel like I am alone in the world and it is causing me a lot of anxiety. What should I do? I am so scared that my family and friends will reject me.

Anonymous

Click here to see the Face a Face response

Dear Anonymous,

The truth is that you are not alone, many people have different sexual orientations and it is becoming something that more and more people are openly talking about. Although I know initially it can be extremely difficult to admit, your sexual preference is nothing to be ashamed of. You are who you are, no apologies. If you are initially worried about telling your family and friends, I would suggest starting with the internet and finding some resources such as Head and Hands, a local organization in Montreal, http://headandhands.ca. Head and Hands offers a non-judgmental atmosphere where there is counseling, activities, and even has an anonymous question and answer section online.

Talking on listening lines, chat rooms, or going in person to LGBT events will help you become more comfortable with telling people you are gay. Coalition Jeunesse offers a wide range of services for young individuals questioning their sexuality such as listening lines, counseling, and events to meet other youth and socialize. Their website can be found here: http://www.coalitionjeunesse.org/?lang=en

One great event in Montreal is The LGBTA Parade. It is a beautiful parade that many people attend regardless of sexual orientation. The parade will feature floats from hundreds of local sports teams, cultural and community groups as well as other gay, lesbian, bisexual and transgender organizations. The parade will also feature both gay and gay-friendly businesses that join in celebrating the significant contributions of their LGBT employees and clients. Here is their website: http://www.fiertemontrealpride.com/en/pride/

This will also increase your confidence regarding who you are and other people’s reactions. When you feel confident enough, I would suggest picking one person from your family or friends and making a plan to tell them. Think about what you’re going to say and all the possible reactions they might have as well as how you will respond. That way, you will be prepared no matter the outcome. Then set a date and meet with that person to tell them. Once they know, pick another, and then another until everyone important to you knows. I know it seems like a daunting task but take it one step at a time. Face à Face will always be there to listen and support you on your journey, you can reach us at 514 934 4546 on weekdays from 9-5. Remember to be proud of who you are, whether you’re gay, straight, bisexual, or questioning, it’s your life and it is okay.

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